Second sem is starting to come to its close.
Thus begins that part of the year where I’m prone to breakdowns. Fuck.
Sometimes I worry that I’ll just run out of myself.
Like squeezing that last bit
out of the toothpaste tube
or coming down to the cardboard
as you unroll that last bit of tissue paper
I’ll just feel all used up
and there won’t be anything left
but the container
I mean, eventually
these all get tossed out
and they end up
as something else eventually.
But do they have recycling centers
where I can turn myself in
and come back a
shiny new person?
Or do I just get sent to the dumps?
chapter you have
but I hope you
when you flip
back to the pages
I was still apart of."
Y.Z (via eatdolls)
Everything you love is here(via lovequotesrus)
I couldn’t feel in black
the grey seemingly
took the stage
One act of conscience
to play back remorse;
galloping grey stallions
took my feeled
I would’ve loved
to anger a bout with sadness
but I couldn’t be happy
with such absolution
Grey was my thoughts
and grey blood through my heart
I, a vein of misdirection
We want to believe
our stories are all climb
climax and fall
but indecision too
is an emotion
the greatest sentiment between all
This pain really is something else though. It doesn’t feel like the same sciatica as before. Before, it didn’t stop me dead in my tracks with muscle spasms.
Before, it didn’t take me 5-10 minutes of effort to get out of bed. I actually got winded trying to lift myself upright.
I want to work. Fuck, I wasted the entire day because my body isn’t letting me work. Let me be productive. Can I just be numb for a day so that I can do what I need to do.
Sometimes I get the idea that in public, I have to be a very PG-rated version of how I really am, otherwise I won’t have friends.
I wanna love you loud,
loud like independence day fireworks
as you’re clutching my hand
and I look into your eyes lovingly, say:
"I wanna stay in this night
Wanna love you loud like
we’re at an amusement park
riding the coasters,
Revisiting this, just because. :’)
For the sake of comparison, this is the poem that I try to out-do whenever I write. Part of me feels like every writer has that piece that they’ve written before, and they always want to try to one-up.
For me, this is that. I don’t know if its the most well composed piece I’ve ever done, but I feel it’s definitely more truthful than most.
When I wrote it, I was admitting more than I had felt possible with a new crush. And I guess it’s that kind of reckless and foolish honesty that leaked onto the page.